thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I will pee on everything he values.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
