I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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