I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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