Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
