So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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