he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
