Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
