you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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