This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
