He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
