im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
