If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
