ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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