is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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