The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
