after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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