mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
