Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
