He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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