I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
