I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
