If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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