We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
