i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
