i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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