What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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