i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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