My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
