I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
