I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
