I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Me too!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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