you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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