I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
