the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
