Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Actions speak louder than pants.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
