just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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