U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
