It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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