I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
