im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
