Small penises have feelings too.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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