we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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