Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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