Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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