I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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