Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
