I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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