walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize