I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
