i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
