his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
