3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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