and she was petting her beer can
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I did not marry a roomba.
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