i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
