probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
