You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
