Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
