How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
