Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
