please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
