There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
