We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
