Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
