there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
