I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
