the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
