when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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