remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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