that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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