Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
