So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
