u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
