Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bring me that man meat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
