I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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