I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
