Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
